On Being Cinderella (for Halloween)

 Should you let your daughter be a Disney princess for Halloween?  If she begs?  If she sees glass slippers at Target and becomes obsessed?  If she's willing to pay for them with her own money?  If she is four?

Well, at our house children have always been allowed to choose what they want to be for Halloween, much like they each get to choose their birthday meal.  I remember it being the same way when I grew up--which is why I was a purple person in sixth grade--purple from head to toe (that happened to be the year of the great Halloween Blizzard, which actually looked really cool with my costume, but I was referred to as a smurf all day at school).  Our first true test of this philosophy came when Solomon was four.  He wanted to be a fairy.  Not an elf, not a wizard, a fairy. They have wings, which is so much better you see.  After a fair bit of thought and planning, my mother and I came up with this costume.



As you can see he is a fall fairy.  The outfit is largely inspired by Peter Pan's costume.  I also looked at about a dozen fairy illustrations around this time, from which I took the leaf beanie.  The wings were store-bought and Solomon himself helped make the wand.  My mom did most of the sewing and I did nearly all of the cutting out of polar fleece leaves.

Believe it or not, Cinderella may have been a more challenging costume for me to come to terms with.  Princesses are wildly popular with little girls these days, and wildly unpopular with a certain segment of mommy society.  While I am not crazy about princesses myself, I am also uncomfortable with claims that they represent every wrong society has ever perpetrated on girls and womankind in general. Originally Charlotte had wanted to be fairy, which would have side stepped the whole issue.  But then she saw those enchanting 'glass' slippers, and she only had eyes for Cinderella.

I hemmed an hawed internally.  I talked up the fairy option to Charlotte.  But I also remembered Solomon's Halloween costume at four.  Really, I was being hypocritical if I didn't let Charlotte be what she wanted, just because it made me uncomfortable.  It was the same issue in reverse.

I didn't know I could make smocking on a sewing machine.

So, we embraced to the Cinderella costume with gusto.  To get myself excited about it, I decided I needed to make the costume from scratch.  Heck, it was only October 15th--ten days to the Preschool Halloween Party.  After a bit of looking I found this lovely-but-challenging tutorial on Home Made Toast.

So back to the princess debate--are they really to blame?  Am I nuts to encourage this sort of thing?  Why, why, why do little girls love princesses so much?  Do they breed helpless, vain, over sexualized narcissists?  Is it a natural healthy part of development?

Trying on the bodice--no sleeves yet.

Here's my take, for what it is worth.  Fairytale stories are engaging.  There is a reason they have endured hundreds of years.  Disney is good at dramatizing them for a modern audience.  We have seen a number of the movies, and for the most part, I enjoy them too.  We do not watch them every day, and we do not watch them to the exclusion of all else.  Interestingly, my now twelve year old son complains that they villanize men.  As far as reading is concerned, we steer clear of Disney.  Most written Disney fairy tales are, frankly, horrible.  The writing is just bad.

Instead I make the most of the opportunity to introduce my daughters to other versions of fairy tales.  Our favorite is Beauty and the Beast by Marianna Mayor.  It has beautiful illustrations and it is Beauty who saves the day with her compassion.  One of the main points of the story is that Beauty is good not because she is beautiful, but because she is compassionate and hardworking and brave.






















Helga's Dowry by Tomie dePaola is another favorite princess story of ours.  Though clearly a product of the 1970s, both in feminist ideals and color palate, the story holds up.  Beautiful but penniless troll Helga goes out and earns herself a dowry when the handsome Lars breaks off their engagement because she is poor.  In the end Helga ends up with someone who likes her for who she is, not her money or her beauty (and ends up with a royal title too).

Fancy Nancy also fulfills the need to read about a frilly, girly heroine without themes of helplessness.  Nancy is a modern day non-royal girl, which can be a nice change of pace.  Vocabulary boosting is an ulterior motive of the author, but she pulls it off in the context of the story (for the most part--this is now a series, and as with all series--some are better than others) so that doesn't bother me.

















For her birthday this year we got Charlotte Many Moons by James Thurber, a favorite of mine.  Not a romance at all (Princess Lenore is but a child throughout the tale), this witty story has a bit of a philosophical bent, emphasizing point of view.  Facing a seemingly impossible task, the court jester and princess ultimately save the day.






















The really crazy thing is that I didn't even think of the year Nova was Aang from Avatar; The Last Airbender (a boy character) for Halloween until the end of writing this post.  Shouldn't  that have brought up all these issues too?  Somehow it didn't.  It seems that girls emulating male role models is nothing anyone thinks twice about these days--whereas too much emphasis on traditional female role models is cause for concern with both boys and girls. Proof positive, in my mind, that we have a long way to go with this gender equity stuff.

Charlotte (dragon) Solomon (ninja) and Nova (Aang) Halloween 2010

Just for posterity,  here is Nova as a scary witch.  She toned it down considerably for her sister's preschool party.

Baby Gear, 0-12 months (before I forget)

As we transition out of the little baby phase (for good?), I feel like making a little list of what I found essential, just to remind myself in case anyone ever asks (like one of the kids some time far off in the future).  As the last couple of years has brought a flurry of changes about what is recommended by the experts when it comes to baby care, I guess it is also oddly historical at this point.  This post is also and excuse to put up a bunch of old baby pictures, in case you hadn't noticed!  

Going Places
A good car seat--Ariadne's was the best.  Adjustable, safe, useable for a long time.  Consumer Reports was very helpful in selecting it.

Solomon, happy in his car seat

A wrap or baby carrier.  We've used Baby Bjorn, the Maya Wrap, and Becco Gemini.  The last two have been my favorite by far.  At this age, we virtually never used a stroller.  Wraps and carriers on the other hand we used every day--in the house, outside, while shopping, you name it.  We also used a baby backpack a lot starting at about 8 months.

Solomon in the backpack

Sleeping
My favorite place for the baby to sleep was in the carrier or wrap.  During the day he/she also spent a fair bit of time sleeping in the car seat in the house for the first few months.

Nova, during the first week 

Swaddling blankets--for the first two or three months these simple cotton blankets were essential.

Port-a-crib with bassinet and toy bar--we had a true bassinet for Solomon, but with all subsequent children, it was clear that the older ones would pull it over in order to look at the new baby--a very dangerous situation.  The port-a-crib bassinet was sturdy enough to stand up to curious older siblings and still relatively easy to move.  At present, we have two (one on the main level and one in the basement).

Family bed--worked very well for us.  Yes we researched it, yes we were careful.  Honestly, a wonderful decision.

Solomon, about 10 months

Nursing (Can I put up a nursing photo??  I have a great one but I don't want my whole blog compromised because of it.)

I found The Womanly Art of Breast Feeding, the La Leche League's breastfeeding handbook indispensable.  My mother was also extremely helpful during the first weeks of nursing.  Went to a lactation consultant around day six with Solomon, which was also helpful.  Turns out he has a high arched pallet--good for singing,  but makes nursing a little painful at the start.   Having help and support (and using it) right at the beginning was really important for nursing to be a success.  It was hard at the beginning but those first  few weeks of effort resulted in months (well actually two years) of a wonderful (and for the most part very easy) nursing relationship.  Hit repeat for all subsequent children--most babies need a little time to get the hang of it, even if their mother is experienced!  Only Aria seemed to be born knowing how to nurse.  

As for the actual 'stuff' I needed for nursing, there wasn't much.  A rocking chair, boppy pillow, and 

water, water, water were the mainstays.  

I am wearing a nursing dress in this four generation picture.  Though I am now comfortable nursing at family gatherings wearing normal clothes, special nursing clothing was helpful in the beginning.

Breast pump--especially when I was a full time student, the breast pump was quite necessary. The rest of the time it has been a nice reassurance to have a bottle of milk on hand when I when I went out.

Wet wound healing gel pads--better than lansinoh for the first week or so.

Lansinoh--for later.

One or two good nursing dresses (or tops)--It is nice to have something both comfortable and dressy you can nurse in.  You never know when you will need it.



Feeding
Finger toothbrush--for all but Charlotte a finger toothbrush worked great.  In the end I think this toothbrush was best tolerated by our most stubborn toothbrusher (the disk below the head of the toothbrush keeps it from going to in to far).

Baby Bjorn Bib--the best! Multiple strangers stopped us in restaurants to marvel at this bib.

Baby food grinder--used this mostly with the first two.  The younger two seemed  to go straight from gagging on even the tiniest piece of food to grabbing whole apples and the like.

Right around the first birthday, baby dishes .  Still haven't found the perfect set of baby dishes, they all seem to break eventually.  We've used melamine and enamel with reasonable success.

Nova learning to sit up, circa five months

Diapers

We began with disposables.  Both being full time college students plus Charles working seemed like insurmountable obstacles to cloth diapering.  At 13 months, I had graduated and we switched to cloth.  It took a couple weeks adjustment, but in the end I liked cloth much better and have been very glad we made the switch.  After quite a bit of experimentation we found plain old prefolds and a good cover worked best for us.  We never have used pins--just folded the diaper in thirds, laid it in the cover and snapped it on the baby.

Safety

Baby gates--We preferred tension mounted or screw into the wall types that swung open and auto closed.

Outlet covers--We installed special spring loaded plates for Nova, so we couldn't forget to put the plugs back in.  They didn't work as well as I'd hoped, however.  The spring action was sometimes strong enough to move the plug and interrupt the electrical connection.  Ariadne really wants to plug and unplug things herself.  It is sort of a fascination.  We've dealt with it mostly by moving chargers to countertops or charging laptops and phones at night, and putting furniture in front of things that need to be plugged in all the time.

Play 
Bouncy seat, followed by activity seat, followed by high chair (basically, a second place to set the baby that is a little more fun and stimulating that a crib).

Play mats and quilts were good for tummy time were loved by Charlotte, tolerated by Ariadne, hated by the older two.

Mobiles/ hanging toys were nice early on.

Ball--became very popular around age one.

Baby doll--also became suddenly very popular at age one or so.

Teethers--several, tastes vary.

Spoons--and other safe household items.



Books--particularly a book called Baby Faces that showed different expressions on the faces of babies and described them in one word.  Another book with baby games (pat-a-cake, this little piggy and other lesser known games) was also helpful.  Other favorites included Moo Ba La La La by Sandra Boynton, Guess How Much I love You By Anita Jerum, Good Night Moon by Margret Wise Brown, Little Fur Family by Margret Wise Brown, Going on a Bear Hunt, Jamberry, Cowboy Baby, The Cat in the Hat, Pat the Bunny, Everywhere Babies, The Usborne Book of First 1,000 words (English), Ten Tiny Toes, Chick a Chick a Boom Boom, Green Eggs and Ham oh, I give up--the whole library.

Quiet Bag--for younger siblings especially, it was great to have a bag put together with silent baby toys.  Church, weddings, recitals (with two older siblings in Suzuki, there were a lot of recitals) were all easier with a quiet bag.  Our favorites were teethers with lots of different textures, non rattling stuffed animals and dolls, board books (especially with little flaps).  Balls are bad because they roll.  Toys that they haven't seen for awhile are always better.

Happy 2014!

Happy New Year Everyone!

We are a few days in already.  I hope the new year is treating you well.  In the interest of keeping in touch, here is our 'holiday letter.'

2013 was a tumultuous year with many changes.  Charles did a brave thing and quit his PhD program.  It became clear that it just was not a good idea financially.  We all tried to talk him out of it, but now see that he was right.  Fortunately he left on good terms (he really was doing well--which is part of what made his decision so hard), so he may go back some day.  Right now he is a modern day Madman--that's right, he went into advertising!  Surprise!  He is doing well and enjoying this new chapter in his career.

Solomon faced down his first research papers this fall and did quite well.  He is still brimming with both story ideas and business ideas--many sounding quite good.  He is growing inside and out.  Solomon is happy to point out that he is now taller than me, and just yesterday he sized up to a full sized violin.  This is a plus in Basket Ball, Solomon's favorite sport.

Nova has thoroughly enjoyed her first year of Orchestra.  In fact, it has been hard to get her to practice anything else.  Always social, she has had fun making new friends as we tried out a homeschool co-op this fall.  At home, she is taking on new responsibility, spontaneously cleaning and redecorating her room on her own.  Baking is a new interest of hers.  She especially enjoys making the whole thing herself.

Charlotte has really come into her own at preschool.  Confident and comfortable in a way she wasn't last year--what a change from three to four!  She is itching to learn, asking me to teach her to reading, do math, and how to tell time.  Charlotte started cello this year which has been a lot of fun (note to prospective Suzuki parents--starting at four is much better than starting at three).  Her teacher suggested we read Charlotte's Web, which the whole family was soon in on with Charles doing most of the reading--a favorite memory from this Fall.

Ariadne has changed more in the last year than anyone--as kids going from babies to toddlers do.  She has a good sense of humor and likes dancing and drawing (another lefty, it seems).  With potty training out of the way and her frequent insistence that Charlotte's bed is a good place for her to cuddle up, she is seeming more girl than baby all the sudden.  She is mindful of her family members and often asks after her brother or sisters if she hasn't seem them for awhile.  Times when she finds herself alone with both Mom and Dad are a special delight.  She will go from one of us to the other hugging and naming as if to say 'You are both here with me!

Ariadne, along with the other kids, have occupied most of my time this year.  I maintain that the year from one to two is the hardest (at least up through 12--don't know about the teen years yet!).  We have childproofed the house several times, but it never seems to be enough--she keeps learning ways around it.  Smart children are fun but a challenge.  I have also done a handful of journalism pieces, most recently a piece on gluten free birthday parties for MN Parent and a couple of radio shorts--one on the Schubert Museum and another on the Wabasha Street Caves.  I enjoyed a Loft class on writing children's fiction earlier this year, but don't expect any finished novels anytime soon!  Try as I might, I'm just not finding the time to write these days.  Maybe later.  Right now it is enough to enjoy reading what others have written, and share that with the kids.  Knitting and sewing have come back into my life, mostly as hats and Halloween costumes.  It turns out those many times as a child when my mom would call me over and show me how to turn a pocket or sew a hem paid off.

Last Spring we traveled to Canada to visit family.  We were able to see both Charles' Grandma McKitrick and Grandpa Midwinter, as well as Aunt Kathy, Great Aunts Jean and Joan, Great Uncle Glen, and cousin Parker.  We thank everyone for their wonderful hospitality.  It was bittersweet, as we knew that not everyone was in good health.  Sadly we were unable to see Uncle Brian and Aunt Carol as planned.  Carol passed away a few days after our visit.  GG Lois held on until Fall.  We returned for her funeral in October.  The order of service for her memorial proclaimed it 'A Celebration of Life' and it truly was.  It was good to remember with family and friends.

For those who read our blog, there are other highlights of the year here and there--camping in a Tipi at Blue Mounds State Park, Solomon and Charles building a computer together, Charlotte learning to ride a two-wheeled bike, family gatherings of all sorts--nothing too profound, just the everyday that goes together to make a life.  Here's to making every day count.  Wishing you many happy days in 2014!

Love,
Maria, Charles, Solomon (12), Nova (9 1/2), Charlotte (4 1/2) and Ariadne (1 3/4)






  

Merry Be the Sixth Day of Christmas!

I think most of us have heard the song 'The Twelve Days of Christmas.'  More than just a song, there are in fact twelve days of the liturgical Christmas season, starting on Christmas Day.  I have a friend who makes a point of celebrating Christmas for all twelve days.  She often greets people  with 'Merry be the (insert day) of Christmas!'  A lovely idea, I think.  So, here we are on the sixth day of Christmas, smack in the middle--a good time for a blog post, perhaps.  While I do not have pictures from all our merry making, we have been enjoying the Christmas season.

Charles new colleagues were in a playful spirit after the company Christmas party.  While we did not go to the after party, we saw the snow sculptures when picking up a few things from the office the next morning.

The 21st started off with a little Christmas Pageant rehearsal for Nova, who was an angel on wheels this year.  The rest of the family had a quiet morning at a Cafe around the corner (keeping a 20 month old at a two hour rehearsal would have been kind to no one).  From there we went directly my aunt and uncle's house to celebrate Christmas with my dad's side of the family.  On both my mom's and my dad's side of the family it is getting hard to even say hello to everyone--30+ people will do that I suppose.  We did enjoy visiting  as much as we could.  The kids enjoyed running around with their second cousins and exchanging ornaments with them.  That night was the solstice, and we had intended to go to the solstice service/dance back at church but we were all ready for bed early that longest night of the year.

The Christmas Pageant went off without a hitch the next morning--with a real baby no less.  Nova zoomed around the sanctuary with delight.  The congregation got to call out Christmas Carols to sing and we all enjoyed the candle lighting that spread throughout the pews.  Sunday was also the day of the annual Candy Party, a holiday party of many college friends.  Below, Charlotte and Ariadne check our the pipe organ.  In the balcony above our friend matt was showing Nova and Solomon how to play the ocarina.

Christmas Eve we met my sister's new boyfriend.  We spent the day at my parents' house, all ten of us (or only ten of us, depending on how you think about it).  Brynn was in charge of stockings, her favorite part.  In the afternoon we played board games and watched movies.

Fire from the color pine cone fire starters

Brynn won, as usual

Christmas night we were a couple of tired parents not quite ready to play Santa Claus.  It reminded me in some ways of the first night the kids spent in our house, Christmas eve back in 2008.  We persevered, and before long is was actually fun.  Charles wrapped and I put together stockings and finished decorating the Christmas tree.  The ornaments from the family ornament exchange we much appreciated, since we couldn't find our main ornament box this year.  

After a relaxing morning we were off to my mom's family Christmas celebration.  Again, with the 30+ people, it was impossible to really talk with everyone, but we did catch up with several cousins, aunts, uncles, and of course, my grandparents.  It was a perfect sledding year.  My aunt and uncle have one of the best sledding hills around right out their back door.  This year nearly all the cousins under 25 went.  Brynn and Vadim went sledding, and Aria and I did too (not to mention all the other kids).  My uncle Joe was out photographing.  I'll have to see if I can get any photos from him.  The kids exchanged gifts and the adults played the annual Christmas gift game (sort of like White Elephant, but with better gifts).  Nova, Charlotte and Solomon brought out their instruments and played a little bit.  Afterward my Grandpa told me he recognized the Gavotte Solomon played right away, and that he had played it on piano as a child, and hummed a few bars of the Gossec Gavotte.

Over the holiday we have also watched my favorite Christmas movie, It's a Wonderful Life, made a trip to the emergency room (don't worry, nothing serious it turns out), enjoyed one on one outings, sledding with friends, and hanging out and doing nothing at all.  Merry be the sixth day of Christmas!

Holiday Teacher Gifts

Teacher gifts are a  perennial challenge.  Each school has its own unwritten norms and the only way to learn is watching.  First off is it a thing?  Our kids have had classes where no one gives teacher gifts, and ones where nearly everyone does.  The second issue is timing--end of year, holiday, or both?

Figuring out what to give is easier, but not without challenge.  We've had teachers with dietary issues, making baked goods iffy (not to mention that winter is the cold and flu season).  We want to be sensitive to varied religious backgrounds (but don't always know what they are).  There is the clutter factor--will the gift just become junk shortly after it is unwrapped?  Imagine if the teacher in question got 15 tchotchkes a year for fifteen years?  Would 225 mementos be appreciated?  Price comes into play, of course.  Last but not least, it is always nice if the kids can be involved. 

Given all that, this year we settled on bath salts.  We got a big bucket of Dead Sea bath salts from a local co-op, along with some one cup mason jars.  Here is Charlotte carefully measuring out the salt.  Ariadne helped screw on the lids.  Nova, Charlotte, and Solomon made decorative labels.  Done!  Only two salt spills and one melt down.      

Maybe next year we will add scent or color or something else to make the salts more personalized, (and the project more involved), but this year, this felt like plenty to do.   

St Lucia Day 2013

Ever have one of those days when nothing goes right?  A day something like the one described in the 1970s children's classic Alexander and the Terrible Horrible No Good Very Bad Day? What about a holiday?

Since the year Charlotte was a baby (2009) we have been celebrating St Lucia Day.  It is a Scandinavian Christmas holiday, celebrating an Italian saint who helped early Christians by bringing them supplies while they hid in the catacombs.  Since her hands were full carrying food and whatnot, she used the ancient equivalent of a head lamp--a wreath (or garland) with candles.   Prettier, isn't it?  As it turns out, 'Lucia' translates to 'light' in Swedish, Norwegian, and Danish.  When Scandinavian sailors found out that her birthday was on the winter solstice, they quickly adopted her as a favorite. (Before changing from the Julian to the Gregorian calendar in 1582, December 13th was the Winter Solstice).

Though my family is Norwegian, we never celebrated St Lucia Day when I was a kid.  Our tradition started off when Nova was five and had recently become the middle kid.  I was looking for a way to do something special with just her and remembered reading about the holiday in the American Girl book, Kirsten's Surprise.  It was lots of fun getting it all ready in secret.  My mother made the nightgown/dress, and we made the crown and saffron buns.  Solomon and Charles were completely surprised.

Other years have had their ups and downs.  Some years we have made Cardamom cake (since it turns out not everyone in our family likes saffron).   We have had crowns made of grocery store flowers, and ones made of felt.  Charlotte has gotten in on the action.

Heading up to wake up Dad in 2012

Charles says this is one of his favorite holiday traditions because it always catches him off guard.  He was very happy to be surprised.  

This year it was a total fiasco!  I decided to sew the St Lucia dresses/nightgowns--and promptly lost the foot control for my sewing machine!  I have looked for hours.  It is still missing.  We were able to sew Solomon's pajamas at my parents' (thank you Mom and Dad). Then Charlotte announced that she did not want to do St Lucia Day.  "It is too much work." She said.  "I want them [Solomon and Dad] to wake me up and bring me breakfast."  I checked out Kirsten's Surprise from the library to help inspire Charlotte.  We lost the book after chapter two.  No one was interested in getting wreath materials with me.  I could not find the nightgowns and felt wreaths from last year, so I pushed the holiday out one day, hoping to find them (and so it could fall on the weekend).  The grocery store did not carry cardamom.  I adapted and made cookies instead.  They were completely flat (though tasty).   Solomon woke up earlier than the rest of us (5:00 am) and Charles scheduled a business phone call, even though I'd told him we were getting a Christmas tree that morning in order to save the date.

Seriously thinking about throwing in the towel, I woke Nova at 5:30.  We had just gotten to the kitchen when Ariadne woke up, clingy and tired.  When Aria threw up all over me ten minutes later, Nova said "Mom, you can go back to bed, I'll do the rest."  I was so happy!

Hearing the clinking and clanging from downstairs Charles finally guessed what was going on.  We waited in the dark in happy anticipation talking about how big our Nova had gotten.  When we woke Charlotte she cried--turns out she wanted to be in on the preparations after all.  Hiding under the table with her cookies, she got an unexpected shower when Ariadne spilled (luke-warm) hot chocolate.   It came down through the table leaves onto Charlotte's head.  What made it worse was that it was Charlotte's own hot chocolate that had been spilled.  Thankfully, Solomon was kind enough to give her the rest of his.

Though there we no costumes, the food was anything but traditional, and some of us were already up, it turns out continuing the tradition was worth it.  Ten minutes into breakfast, everyone was having a good time, enjoying a special morning.  Twenty minutes later the kids were having a ball all running around screaming playing some sort of  cookie monster game. It all left me feeling that perseverance good humor, and generosity (than you big kids) can save any fiasco.  Happy St Lucia Day!