Celebration of Life

Solomon caught in the act of tickling his little sister

I have delayed in posting this a year, to give emotions time to settle and give us the benefit of hindsight.  Though it is not the sort of happy family outing I normally blog about, it was an important trip that I want us to remember.  From this point on, all references to time are actually from a year ago.

In mid October, we made another trip to Canada.  Our dear GG Lois, Charles' grandmother, passed away.  We knew it was coming, as did she.  We very much enjoyed our visit back in May.  We skyped in mid September, and that was the last time we saw her.  But the memories are rich and deep.  When the kids ask their dad to tell a story about his childhood, Charles often tells about gathering the potato beetles in his grandmother's garden.  The story of Barry and Tim accidentally digging up the strawberry patch is legendary (and indeed was part of the letter Tim wrote that was read during the church service).  There are many good recent memories as well.  Nearly the entire family got together two summers ago in Minnesota.  There have been Christmas and Thanksgiving gatherings in Oklahoma, and many other
family reunions, large and small.

We stayed in Fargo with Charles' mom, dad, brother and sister and met up again in Manitoba.  Here we are coming into the Pembina valley.  After arriving we gathered with aunts, uncles and cousins.  Lois was often someone to greet and help newcomers.  The Castelains, a Belgian chocolatiering family sent their regrets, as well as chocolates.  She befriended a farming family that up and moved their farm from South America to Canada.  I'm sure there are many, many more I do not know about.  She also had friends in the Hudderite community.  

The hospitality room at the assisted living facility where GG Lois had lived was our home away from home during the weekend.  Most of us were in hotel in the next town over, so it was nice to have a quiet place for immediate family to go in between larger gatherings.  

There were many family diners over the course of the weekend, with an ever increasing group, all courtesy of GG Lois.  The restaurant in town handled all the meals, seating us in a private dining room (pictured below).  The accomodated food allergies beautifully.  Aside from our two gluten-sensitive girls, there are a couple of true cealiacs in the family.  Our final dinner Saturday was for 50. We had turkey, stuffing, gravy, mashed potatoes, cranberry sauce, glazed carrots, many salads, plus dessert.  Kathy announced 'dinner is on Mum, it is her final gift to you.'  It was as it turned out, Canadian Thanksgiving that Monday.  

The three elderly people in foreground are Lois' tow sisters, Jean and Joan, and her brother-in-law Glen.  

This was the first funeral my children attended, and while it was sad, it was also very good.  It was good to be with family, it was good to remember together, it was good mark a loved one's passing.  We live so far away we had only been able to see GG Lois once every couple of years.  Without taking the time out to be there and experience a formal ending I feel it may have been very easy for the younger ones especially to slip into imagining her still at home, still just a nine hour drive away.  We all struggle with what death means, but for young children simply understanding the finality of it is a challenge.  Considering we all must die, the death of a long lived, accomplished, much loved family member or friend is probably the gentlest introduction to our own mortality.  Not that we get to choose these things.   Nonetheless I am grateful for the very graceful way GG Lois was able approach the end of her life.   

Since we had spent so much time in the car driving up, we needed to make an effort to explain to the kids that driving to the cemetary was not time to use the ipad, play video games or listen to books on CD.  I remember Charles saying that we had driven up here to remember GG Lois and go to her funeral and that now that was what it was time to do.  It was time to remember GG Lois.  Kathy had given us several laminated obituaries the night before as keepsakes for the kids.  I handed three back and read the fourth aloud, finishing just as we parked at the cemetary.  

Though it had been pouring rain on Friday, and cloudy all Saturday morning, the sun broke through just a bit before the burial.  The day was beautiful but cold.  The minister encouraged us to get as close as we could, gathering in a tight circle.  So we could hear, and for warmth, he said.  Roberta got us all up to the top of the circle, along with the rest of the close family.  The coffin was a warm honey colored wood with a huge bunch of flowers on top.  The grave was dressed with astroturf silver bars and winches.  There was not a spec of dirt within three feet of it.  Ariadne squirmed a bit as I tried to figure out if she should face the burial or away, be in my arms or standing on her own two feet.  In the end I held her, for fear of her getting too near the grave.  Nova stood near Grandma Roberta.  As I think of it now I recall how much she looks like Grandma Roberta, who in turn looks like her mother, Lois.  I noticed for the first time looking at the family photos taken at the McKitrick family get together taken two summers ago (of course I am leaving out Charles, who also bears a resemblence).  The minister spoke of how Lois would no longer know cold or pain or light, about how she was being called home.  Kathy took a three red roses from one of the floral arrangements and gave one to each of her siblings, leaving her own with her husband Peter.  She then took two white roses from the same arrangement and put them on the joint headstone of her parents.

It is amazing what you learn about a person at their funeral.  The order of service for Lois's memorial service proclaimed it a 'Celebration of Life' and it truly was.  While I knew that she had taught English and French I did not know the extent to which she went to further her studies.  To finish high school she completed a year of correspondence learning and a year spent away from home at school, from there she continued on to college.  This was at a time when even finishing high school was not necessarily expected or required.   

The service began with poetry, then moved to an open letter written by Tim (and in fact read by Lois before her death--he joked that she corrected his spelling).  He told of her early life and her commitment to education and reminisced about having her as a mother and the care she took of others and her accomplishments and personality.  There was much singing in the service, and I am glad to say Solomon joined me in singing along.  It was nice to have him near, holding the words, and my order of service when Ariadne was keeping my hands busy.  The minister spoike of heaven and Lois being reunited with her husband Allan there.  He likened it two early settlers moving to Saskatchawan, saying that you simply had to trust that their lives went on there, as there was no reliable means of communication.  He did end, however, noting that Lois would always be there, should we need her, though we could no longer see or touch her.  Aria and I caught the last half from the quit room.  

After the service was over some drove and others walked a few blocks to the kinsmen hall.  Only the week before we had been warm enough for summer clothes, even in Canada.  I got the stroller out in hopes that Ariadne would fall asleep on the walk over--no such luck.  There were people everywhere.  Long tables filled the hall.  Plates of open faced egg salad and ham sandwiches, and many kinds of cookies, carafes of coffee and pitchers of water filled a middle table designated for family and a buffet of the same was available for friends and neighbors.

The girls at at large community reception for GG Lois

Aunt Marianne and Ariadne (Ariadne's dress was knit by GG Lois for Roberta over fifty years ago). 

As all the planned activities wrapped up, the immediate family went back to the Hospitality room in small groups to twos and threes until all 19 of us ended up there.   Nova made a point of learning all the cousin's names.  She had trouble with Tom. We gave her T for a hint. We all heard her say 'Sally!' (She claims it was Tsallin).  Lehaina and Les were also a challenge--given the hint of L, she tried 'Lenny' both times.  Laughter ensued.  She continued to go through the names until she got them all right, making a joke of it by dwelling on her own family member's names as well, like it is an accomplishment to remember Ariadne and Solomon.

We talked and played games.  Chris, Leslie's husband taught Nova how to make a loon call, and taught Charlotte how to shuffle cards.  Solomon and Ariadne played a little chase game, but for the most part, the kids were calm and we ended up staying the whole evening.  Roberta, Kathy, and Tim open up a pile of condolence cards and read through the guest book--200 signatures (I can tell you there were a lot more people than that there--for example, none of our kids signed the book).  Finally it is back to our hotel and time for bed.

Cousine Victoria and Charlotte having a little fun on the way back to the hospitality room. 

Charles, Leslie, Chris, Lehaina, and Tom

Back to Jane's for dinner with 50.  Lots of visiting overall.  We have turkey, stuffling, gravey, mashed potatoes, cranberry sauce, glazed carrots, many salads, plus dessert.  Kathy announces--dinner is on Mum, it is her final gift to you.  Monday is Canadian Thanksgiving.  

Ariadne really latched on to Grandpa Berry during the week end.   At nearly every meal, she wanted to sit with him.  

Grandma Roberta, Great Aunt Kathy and Great Uncle Tim reading condolence letters and sharing memories.

On the way home, Charles and I talked about life, death, and future plans.  For both of us, the biggest takeaway was to live our lives well now.  The big swooping windmills came into view and we knew the border wasn't far off.  At duty free we got the last of our Canadian chocolate bars and some crown royal and maple leaf candy for our friends who have been pet sitting.  After a mild grilling at the border we were off.  

Home nine hours later, all in all a very good trip.    

To Canada! Part Two

Charles and Grandpa Midwinter, also known as GG Al

The next day we were off to Brandon to see the Midwinter side of the family.  We met Parker (Charles' cousin) and GG Al at the Royal Oak Inn for lunch.  Parker happily entertained Solomon's hypothetical questions about mythical and fictional people/creatures and games (Q: What imaginary creature would you use to create an army? A: Dragons (Parker),  centicores (Solomon).  In fact it lead to an interesting conversation about gravity, space exploration, and if I remember correctly, battery technology.

Nova, Solomon, and Parker

We had hoped to see Uncle Brian and Aunt Carol as well, but Carol was quite sick and they were unable to come.  They kindly covered our hotel room, in liue of us staying at their apartment, which was the orginal plan.  

After lunch, GG Al visited in our hotel room and at the pool. Ariadne kept bringing him shoes.  The game evolved in to a tickle-tickle one.  They hit it off quite well!  As we headed for the pool, GG Al quietly slipped me a bag of candy for the kids, so that I could distribute it at an opportune time.  While the kids and I swam, Charles and GG Al got a chance to talk one on one.    

Ariadne and GG Al

The next day it was time to go home.  We passed the Half Way Tree (landmark from the Midwinter kids' childhood) on the way from Brandon to Winnipeg.  I had never been to Manitoba in the Spring, and while everything was greening up, I missed the colorful crops of Summer.  While Minnesota seems to have only corn and soybeans Manitoba has beautiful blue flax, bright yellow canola, and tall sunflowers that follow the sun each day.  

The Half Way Tree

Near the U.S.-Canadian border we passed a number of large wind farms.  Though I know these exist in Minnesota too, they were quite a spectacle.

Wind Farm

Our trip back we had a much happier baby.  The secret?  Let her play with objects that aren't baby toys! (but are still safe of course).  This included cardboard drink carriers, the silicon lid to my reusable coffee cup, shoes, and empty bottles.  

We relied on books on CD and music to entertain the rest of us.  'Lefty and Tighty' by the Okee Dokee Brothers became the anthem of the trip, much as Raffi's 'The More We Get Together' had been the only thing that could keep us going when we went to Oklahoma when Solomon was fifteen months old ('Rafi Song!' he would request again and again and again).  We also enjoyed the Okee Dokee Borthers song about alien neighbors, 'The Extraterrestrials'.  Around St Cloud Chuck broke down and bought a CD with some grown up music.  Diary of a Whimpy Kid, Where the Mountain Meets the Moon, The 100 Dresses, and half of The Extrodinary Education of Nicholas Bennedict were the books we listened to.  Who knew driving 30 hours in a three day weekend could be so painless?  (Yes, family who makes this trip more regularly, it would not have taken you 30 hours, but that was as fast as we could go).  All in all we had a wonderful trip!

To Canada! Part One

Charles and his Grandma McKitrick, GG Lois to our kids. 

Over Memorial Day weekend we took the opportunity to go to Canada.  We met Charles at a playground near his work (no need for him to drive through rush hour twice), all piled in the van and headed north.  We pulled over to sooth a crying baby and found ourselves in front of Charlie's Cafe.  We stopped for dinner and headed on.  The first night took us to Fargo, ND.

Crossing at Pembina, we entered Canada.  By afternoon we were visiting with GG Lois, Great Aunt Kathy, Great Great Aunt Jean, Great Great Aunt Joan, and Great Great Uncle Glen.  We enjoyed lunch and dinner together, all orchestrated by Kathy.

Pat-a-Cake with GG Lois, photo courtesy of Kathy

Ariadne and GG Lois had a rousing game of Pat-a-Cake.  Charles caught a bit of it on video (I will do my best to upload it soon).  The older kids (and we grown-ups too) learned about the Arctic diamond mines where Chuck's cousin Tom works.  The kids enjoyed their gifts--puzzles, magnetic paper dolls, blocks, and books about Canada.

Kathy and GG Lois brought an interesting rock from the farm their family lived on for so many years.  It was round and resembled a geode.  Kathy split it open to see what was inside.  Here everyone is standing around to look.

Sisters Jean, Lois, and Joan

Solomon, Glen, Charles, Joan, Jean,
Nova, Lois, Maria, Ariadne, Charlotte (and Kathy was behind  the camera)

We visited, mulling over gardens, health, jobs, what other family was up to.  

Toward the end of our visit, GG Lois brought out watches for each of the older kids and jewelry for the girls.  Charles and I were given a beautiful wooden container Charles' grandfather had made.

Joan and Glen hosted us for the night.  We had a nice visit in the evening.  The next day I realized I hadn't taken any pictures at Joan and Glen's.  Wishing I had, I made some notes about the previous day instead.  Looking at them a month later I wish I'd done more writing during the trip.  It is just hard to remember that level of detail.

When we finally arrived at GG Lois' Aunt Kathy and GG Lois were there with the party/activity room all set up for lunch.  Gifts for the kids we set like place settings at a small table.  In the middle rested pussy willows.  One of Solomon's gifts was a book entitled Canada From Above.  In it was a photo of Diavik Diamond Mine, where Charles' cousin Tom works.  The mine was on a man made island in the middle of a vast lake in the arctic.  It descended into the earth in concentric circles.  Kathy had more pictures showing the mine in winter, dug deeper, and finally filled back in with water.

GG Lois showed Ariadne pat-a-cake and they had a grand time!  Before long Ariadne gripped GG Lois' fingers with her little hands and made them clap herself. 

"She's doing it. I'm not moving them at all" Lois said. 

Again and again Ariadne played pat-a-cake with her G.G., all smiles and loving the part where you 'toss it in the oven.'  

After our visit with GG Lois, Kathy, Jean, Joan and Glen, we followed Joan and Glen to their house to spend the night.  They were wonderful hosts.  Joan is a collector of antiques, and they are arranged in thoughtful groupings through out  the house.  Ariadne noticed the little cradle with dolls right away and Joan let her pick out one to play with.  The one she chose looked something like a cupie doll with molded swirling hair.  Solomon asked about a large wooden bowl with an unusual wooden paddle.  Joan explained that it was a butter bowl.  She lifted the lid from the butter churn near by to show the kids the turn dash, telling the kids how one would use it to shake the cream till it turned to butter, and then transfer it to the butter bowl and work the last of the liquid out of it.  Next to the butter bowl and churn were two butter molds, a small one with a star and a large one with a sheaf of wheat.  Joan told the kids that if you were wealthy and had company coming, you would use the little butter mold to give each person a little pat of butter.  
"What do you think this is?" she asked Solomon, holding up a sheet of interlocking metal circles on a metal handle.  "Chain mail." Solomon answered.  
"I've seen chain mail before and it looks like that.  But I guess you couldn't wear that."  

"It is for scrubbing pots." Joan supplied the answer. "Could you imagine getting potatoes out of the bottom by scrubbing with that?"

Upstairs Charlotte and Ariadne spotted the children's table in the kitchen.  Joan brought out a little tea set, and Charlotte played tea with first one sister, then the other.  In the living room we looked at some of Glen's carvings.  
"How did you get the whiskers in?" Nova asked, looking at a sleek and happy otter on the table.  
"They are paint brush bristles.  I made little holes and stuck them in." Glen told her.  
Across the room Charles and Solomon admired the fine feather work on a carving of a wood duck.  Glen used to carve with Charles' Grandpa McKitrick.  We all chatted a bit longer, looking at pictures of the Wheelers five children and their families.  Glen got Ariadne to laugh and hold her arms out wide.  The  older kids excused themselves to go down to bed, and fearing the little ones were about to 'melt' we went down not long after and got everyone to bed.  There was a fuss about each sister staying on her half of the bed, while Solomon found a rare moment to enjoy being the only boy.

At night, Charles and I lay awake, talking about the day and our lives.