Celebration of Life

Solomon caught in the act of tickling his little sister

I have delayed in posting this a year, to give emotions time to settle and give us the benefit of hindsight.  Though it is not the sort of happy family outing I normally blog about, it was an important trip that I want us to remember.  From this point on, all references to time are actually from a year ago.

In mid October, we made another trip to Canada.  Our dear GG Lois, Charles' grandmother, passed away.  We knew it was coming, as did she.  We very much enjoyed our visit back in May.  We skyped in mid September, and that was the last time we saw her.  But the memories are rich and deep.  When the kids ask their dad to tell a story about his childhood, Charles often tells about gathering the potato beetles in his grandmother's garden.  The story of Barry and Tim accidentally digging up the strawberry patch is legendary (and indeed was part of the letter Tim wrote that was read during the church service).  There are many good recent memories as well.  Nearly the entire family got together two summers ago in Minnesota.  There have been Christmas and Thanksgiving gatherings in Oklahoma, and many other
family reunions, large and small.

We stayed in Fargo with Charles' mom, dad, brother and sister and met up again in Manitoba.  Here we are coming into the Pembina valley.  After arriving we gathered with aunts, uncles and cousins.  Lois was often someone to greet and help newcomers.  The Castelains, a Belgian chocolatiering family sent their regrets, as well as chocolates.  She befriended a farming family that up and moved their farm from South America to Canada.  I'm sure there are many, many more I do not know about.  She also had friends in the Hudderite community.  

The hospitality room at the assisted living facility where GG Lois had lived was our home away from home during the weekend.  Most of us were in hotel in the next town over, so it was nice to have a quiet place for immediate family to go in between larger gatherings.  

There were many family diners over the course of the weekend, with an ever increasing group, all courtesy of GG Lois.  The restaurant in town handled all the meals, seating us in a private dining room (pictured below).  The accomodated food allergies beautifully.  Aside from our two gluten-sensitive girls, there are a couple of true cealiacs in the family.  Our final dinner Saturday was for 50. We had turkey, stuffing, gravy, mashed potatoes, cranberry sauce, glazed carrots, many salads, plus dessert.  Kathy announced 'dinner is on Mum, it is her final gift to you.'  It was as it turned out, Canadian Thanksgiving that Monday.  

The three elderly people in foreground are Lois' tow sisters, Jean and Joan, and her brother-in-law Glen.  

This was the first funeral my children attended, and while it was sad, it was also very good.  It was good to be with family, it was good to remember together, it was good mark a loved one's passing.  We live so far away we had only been able to see GG Lois once every couple of years.  Without taking the time out to be there and experience a formal ending I feel it may have been very easy for the younger ones especially to slip into imagining her still at home, still just a nine hour drive away.  We all struggle with what death means, but for young children simply understanding the finality of it is a challenge.  Considering we all must die, the death of a long lived, accomplished, much loved family member or friend is probably the gentlest introduction to our own mortality.  Not that we get to choose these things.   Nonetheless I am grateful for the very graceful way GG Lois was able approach the end of her life.   

Since we had spent so much time in the car driving up, we needed to make an effort to explain to the kids that driving to the cemetary was not time to use the ipad, play video games or listen to books on CD.  I remember Charles saying that we had driven up here to remember GG Lois and go to her funeral and that now that was what it was time to do.  It was time to remember GG Lois.  Kathy had given us several laminated obituaries the night before as keepsakes for the kids.  I handed three back and read the fourth aloud, finishing just as we parked at the cemetary.  

Though it had been pouring rain on Friday, and cloudy all Saturday morning, the sun broke through just a bit before the burial.  The day was beautiful but cold.  The minister encouraged us to get as close as we could, gathering in a tight circle.  So we could hear, and for warmth, he said.  Roberta got us all up to the top of the circle, along with the rest of the close family.  The coffin was a warm honey colored wood with a huge bunch of flowers on top.  The grave was dressed with astroturf silver bars and winches.  There was not a spec of dirt within three feet of it.  Ariadne squirmed a bit as I tried to figure out if she should face the burial or away, be in my arms or standing on her own two feet.  In the end I held her, for fear of her getting too near the grave.  Nova stood near Grandma Roberta.  As I think of it now I recall how much she looks like Grandma Roberta, who in turn looks like her mother, Lois.  I noticed for the first time looking at the family photos taken at the McKitrick family get together taken two summers ago (of course I am leaving out Charles, who also bears a resemblence).  The minister spoke of how Lois would no longer know cold or pain or light, about how she was being called home.  Kathy took a three red roses from one of the floral arrangements and gave one to each of her siblings, leaving her own with her husband Peter.  She then took two white roses from the same arrangement and put them on the joint headstone of her parents.

It is amazing what you learn about a person at their funeral.  The order of service for Lois's memorial service proclaimed it a 'Celebration of Life' and it truly was.  While I knew that she had taught English and French I did not know the extent to which she went to further her studies.  To finish high school she completed a year of correspondence learning and a year spent away from home at school, from there she continued on to college.  This was at a time when even finishing high school was not necessarily expected or required.   

The service began with poetry, then moved to an open letter written by Tim (and in fact read by Lois before her death--he joked that she corrected his spelling).  He told of her early life and her commitment to education and reminisced about having her as a mother and the care she took of others and her accomplishments and personality.  There was much singing in the service, and I am glad to say Solomon joined me in singing along.  It was nice to have him near, holding the words, and my order of service when Ariadne was keeping my hands busy.  The minister spoike of heaven and Lois being reunited with her husband Allan there.  He likened it two early settlers moving to Saskatchawan, saying that you simply had to trust that their lives went on there, as there was no reliable means of communication.  He did end, however, noting that Lois would always be there, should we need her, though we could no longer see or touch her.  Aria and I caught the last half from the quit room.  

After the service was over some drove and others walked a few blocks to the kinsmen hall.  Only the week before we had been warm enough for summer clothes, even in Canada.  I got the stroller out in hopes that Ariadne would fall asleep on the walk over--no such luck.  There were people everywhere.  Long tables filled the hall.  Plates of open faced egg salad and ham sandwiches, and many kinds of cookies, carafes of coffee and pitchers of water filled a middle table designated for family and a buffet of the same was available for friends and neighbors.

The girls at at large community reception for GG Lois

Aunt Marianne and Ariadne (Ariadne's dress was knit by GG Lois for Roberta over fifty years ago). 

As all the planned activities wrapped up, the immediate family went back to the Hospitality room in small groups to twos and threes until all 19 of us ended up there.   Nova made a point of learning all the cousin's names.  She had trouble with Tom. We gave her T for a hint. We all heard her say 'Sally!' (She claims it was Tsallin).  Lehaina and Les were also a challenge--given the hint of L, she tried 'Lenny' both times.  Laughter ensued.  She continued to go through the names until she got them all right, making a joke of it by dwelling on her own family member's names as well, like it is an accomplishment to remember Ariadne and Solomon.

We talked and played games.  Chris, Leslie's husband taught Nova how to make a loon call, and taught Charlotte how to shuffle cards.  Solomon and Ariadne played a little chase game, but for the most part, the kids were calm and we ended up staying the whole evening.  Roberta, Kathy, and Tim open up a pile of condolence cards and read through the guest book--200 signatures (I can tell you there were a lot more people than that there--for example, none of our kids signed the book).  Finally it is back to our hotel and time for bed.

Cousine Victoria and Charlotte having a little fun on the way back to the hospitality room. 

Charles, Leslie, Chris, Lehaina, and Tom

Back to Jane's for dinner with 50.  Lots of visiting overall.  We have turkey, stuffling, gravey, mashed potatoes, cranberry sauce, glazed carrots, many salads, plus dessert.  Kathy announces--dinner is on Mum, it is her final gift to you.  Monday is Canadian Thanksgiving.  

Ariadne really latched on to Grandpa Berry during the week end.   At nearly every meal, she wanted to sit with him.  

Grandma Roberta, Great Aunt Kathy and Great Uncle Tim reading condolence letters and sharing memories.

On the way home, Charles and I talked about life, death, and future plans.  For both of us, the biggest takeaway was to live our lives well now.  The big swooping windmills came into view and we knew the border wasn't far off.  At duty free we got the last of our Canadian chocolate bars and some crown royal and maple leaf candy for our friends who have been pet sitting.  After a mild grilling at the border we were off.  

Home nine hours later, all in all a very good trip.    

An Average Day, Circa Early Fall 2014

Some of you may wonder what we really do all day long.  Homeschooling is as varied as the families that practice it, but here is an 'average' day of ours from earlier this fall.  

This morning began with some Suzuki listening.  We focused on songs for Out and About day, playing both 'name that tune' and 'sing that tune.'

Charlotte and Aria and I read the last story in Molly Wuppie, Chicka Chicka Boom Boom, and the Bob book Dot.  It is one we've read before, but not at all recently.  Since Charlotte has been frustrated, I thought I'd try backing up a bit.  She read it remarkably easily but I thought she might be remembering/guessing so I wrote up a word and picture match on the white board using words from the story.  It was harder, but she ended up liking it and asked for more.  We did another two and a half of them for a total of 10 words read.  During this time Nova and Solomon practiced violin.

Next Charlotte and I practiced cello while Nova played with Aria.

Nova and Solomon both did some research for pending projects--Nova on the flight of butterflies, and Solomon on WWII.  Nova did some programing.  Nova also tried out garage band for the first time, 'writing' two songs using existing beats, original melodies, lyrics and harmonies.

I outlined the butterfly written projects a little more clearly during snack.  Solomon is doing a paper, on metamorphosis,  Nova is doing a poster on flight and flight patterns, and Charlotte is doing a book on the butterfly life cycle.



During lunch I read about the partitioning of India into India and Pakistan and the creation of Israel after WWII.

The doctor called, and it turns out Ariadne does still have a bladder infection, so I went to the pharmacy in the afternoon to get her medicine. Because of this we did not get to math or Solomon's violin check in. Nova and I did get to go over her newest song a little bit.

In the afternoon Ivy and Matt came over and we walked up to the park and released our butterflies together. It was a beautiful fall day.

At dinner Solomon asked Charles about dark matter.  In addition to dark matter they talked about where the Big Bang started, vectors and dimensions.  Nova got in on the conversation too.

Easter

This year Easter was warm and sunny--the first true warm day of Spring in fact.  It had been unseasonably cold for the preceding week, so I had insisted that everyone have long sleeves or sweaters to layer on--no need as it turned out.

We go to a very inclusive church.  I love it for that, and it makes going to church much easier for a family of diverse beliefs.  However, sometimes a little of the concrete is lost in the inclusive and symbolic nature of the services.  Easter was a perfect example.  A basket of breads from around the world made its way around the sanctuary, with everyone invited to eat.  All the adults in the room recognized the allusion to the last supper and the recognition of all the many peoples included.  I'm pretty sure the kids did not.  I found a beautiful book at the library that laid out Easter very clearly, including the many ways it is celebrated around the world.  The Passion, Easter eggs and bunnies, and Spring were all addressed.  Don't you love the library?  It worked so well, I bought a copy of The Story of Easter by Aileen Fisher to have on hand every year.

Here are Easter baskets for ages two through twelve.  It is a broad range, but I settled on a theme and was able to find age appropriate gifts in all categories.
Spring/Rabbit/Renewal themed book check,
Chocolate (or white chocolate) bunny check,
Jelly beans and Cadbury eggs check,
Toy or longed for item (lip gloss or headphone splitter etc) check.

I don't know how long I will keep this up, but this year it seemed important that every child get an Easter basket, regardless of age.

Dying eggs happened very early, before anyone had changed in to Easter outfits.  

An egg hunt was also very important to every child this year, regardless of age.  In order to give everyone a fighting chance, we color coded the eggs, so that each child was looking for just one color.  For added excitement, there was one golden egg up for grabs.

We celebrated with a few aunts and uncles, cousins, and my grandparents from my mom's side of the family.  Compared to the gatherings of thirty plus that usually show up for holidays on this side, we had a small Easter celebration.  We missed family members who were not there, but small groups do have their advantages.  It is hard to visit at length with so many people. This time we were closer to 15, which allows for deeper interaction and lingering conversation.   We went out for brunch and then headed back to my aunt and uncle's house for an impromptu soccer game, cake and conversation.




The game began with everyone on the field--even Ariadne (everyone under 30 anyway).  Later on the game evolved to little sisters vs. big brothers.

Several birthdays fell near Easter this year (last year it fell exactly on Ariadne's birthday).  GG Rose, Michael and Cameron all shared a cake.  This year Jerry and Eileen's kids turn 21, 18, and 16.  I cannot imagine more milestone birthdays in one year in one family.

Aria and Granne

Here GG Rose, Dani, Michael and GG John are discussing the movie that was made in my granparents' town recently.  Many people in town had cameos and GG John had a speaking roll in which he recited some poetry.  He often recalls an appropriate and sometimes pithy verse.  The store he has memorized is amazing, though he claims it is not out of the ordinary for his generation.

Ariadne's 2nd Birthday

Ariadne turned two at the very end of March.  We had playgroup that day and the spring thaw was in full swing.  There is a playground near our house that turns into a lake for a few days each year as all the snow melts, and Ariadne's birthday was the day this year.  The kids had a great time hopping from 'ice burg' to 'ice burg' and attempting daring maneuvering on the playground surrounded by water.

Ariadne at two is both delightful and challenging.  About two weeks after her birthday, her vocabulary went from a more or less normal toddler level to talking in full sentences about what ever she wants to talk about all the time.  Yep, we have yet another verbal kid.

She likes to paint and is really getting into pretend play.  Ever since we baked muffins at Charlotte's preschool class in February, she has been convinced that she belongs there.  She will sneak off to the aisle at drop off or pick up when I am not looking.  Her memory is long.  A few weeks after her birthday we built a snowman with that April snow.  She was very sad to see it melt.  All summer she would declare "My snowman melt." At two and a half she asked for for nonnie milk.  I put her off and after awhile she went to the freezer and found a forgotten packet of frozen breastmilk and told me she would have that nonnie milk.  I don't think we've used any frozen milk since she was about one!

We had our family party a week later.  Surprise, there was more snow!  Nonetheless, it was warm enough to be pleasant, though nothing like the year Ariadne was born, when we had absolutely no snow in March and several 80 degree days. 

We had family over and went to the zoo.  We started off warm in the tropics exhibit, looking at fish and turtles, birds, snakes and a sloth.  You may notice Ariadne had a haircut between her actual birthday and her party.  

I think she was looking at a bird here, but am not sure.  Whatever it is, she is delighted.  

Aria with her Grandpa John

Dad and Grandpa Barry

Giraffes pop up a surprising amount in Ariadne's day to day life--giraffe jammies, giraffe toys, giraffe cup.  It was fun to see them in real life.  There was a baby giraffe, born close to my birthday (mid September) the year before, but even the baby was very, very tall.  

Aria loves to 'go wee!'  as the kids have come to call the swinging game.  (I even have a few fond memories of this from my own childhood--it is fun!).  Here Solomon and Nova are obliging her.  An advantage to having older siblings is that there are twice as many people to play this game with you.  

The polar bears never fail to impress.  Despite their larger enclosure (which I'm sure has many other benefits)  they still swim laps, pushing off the glass and predictably returning.  

Aria is watching closely.  

After the zoo we returned home for a birthday lunch of Monte Cristo sandwiches.  Aria loves grilled cheese, so it seemed an obvious choice.  My gluten free cakepop plans didn't quite materialize (though we have done it successfully before), but a flourless chocolate cake was a good stand in.  In fact, it is the same cake the older kids had for Ariadne's 0 birthday.  My camera ran out of batteries at the zoo, and my phone shortly thereafter, so there are no pictures of cake or gift opening.  I will have to check with grandparents.  

There were many handmade gifts for this little girl.  It was an unplanned theme.  Charlotte made her felt balls, Solomon wrote her a story,  Grandma Roberta crochet doll clothes for the waldorf dolls, and Nova and Grandpa John made Ariadne a set of wooden blocks.  

Dress up clothes, real clothes, and store bought doll clothes were all enjoyed too.  

The Lunar Eclipse

This morning the older three kids and I got up dark and early to see the lunar eclipse.  This is the second of four taking place in a space of approximately two years--a tetrad.  They are all visible from North America, so hopefully Ariadne and Charles will be able to get in on one of the others.  

I remember seeing a beautiful orange eclipse like this one at my Grandparents' one summer night when I was about 11.  My sister my mom and grandma and I all camped out on their back patio, watching the moon as an orange shadow spread across its face.  That was my first eclipse.  

Back when I was six (that would be 1986), we saw Haley's Comet at my other grandparents.  They lived way out in the country, up on a hill where the dark skies spread all around.  My dad held me and pointed way up into that dark sky where the comet was streaking along.  

But my first memory of the night sky goes back to when I was about Aria's age, two, or maybe three. I remember riding in the umbrella stroller while my dad pointed up and said 'look at the stars,' pointing them out.  I may have been having an asthma attack.  I've been told my parents took me outside because the night air helped, but all I remember is looking at the stars with my dad.  

Anyway, suffice it to say my family shouldn't be surprised that I am hauling my kids out of bed in the wee hours to look at the sky.   Charlotte helped me make hot chocolate, which we had together with hard boiled eggs as we watched the moon turn a dark orange bit by bit.  

Salgos decided to join us.  

Here the moon is in half eclipse. It looks like it is caught in the branches of the tree, just like in James Thurber's Many Moons.  This is about where it was when we woke up. 

Nova and Solomon walked up to the park with me to see the moon come out of eclipse (it was too low in the sky to see from our house by that time).  We even got the telescope to work. All of the close-ups were taken through the telescope.  It was only a 10x magnification, but it made a big difference.

Nova recalled watching an eclipse sitting on our steps drinking hot chocolate or tea when she was little--I do too.  We watched our first lunar eclipse together when Nova was four and Solomon was six.  We still lived in Hopkins at the time and they were the only two kids--a world ago.  

One of the coolest parts I wasn't even expecting.  When the sun was full up the moon was a little past half way out of eclipse and right at that band of the horizon where it is magnified immensely.  It looked huge!  I ran around the neighborhood with the telescope, trying to find a place we could set it up at look at this 'super moon' eclipse, but by the time I found a spot it was too late.  It is actually behind the trees to the right, but you really can't tell.  The school buses were out, it was morning. Though they would have liked to skip the running and were more affected by the cold, the kids enjoyed it almost as much as I did.