Wedding!

At the end of June, Aunt Marianne said 'I do.'  Above are the happy couple together with their parents.  The kids are happy to report they now have two uncles.  Uncle Sylvain fits into the family quite well.  He loves cooking and games, and leans a bit to the nerdy side, all characteristics he shares with Marianne.  A native of France, he is doing his best make our kids bilingual.  Charles and I met in French four---it is possible he might succeed.  

All four of our kids were in the wedding.  We had a junior bridesmaid, two flower girls, and a ring bearer.  Charles did the English language version of the reading for the ceremony, while his cousin Victoria covered the French reading.   

Nova and Charlotte practiced walking in heels in the grass.

Charles, Marianne and Matt

Francoise and Roberta trying out the front row seats.  Believe it or not, in less than an hour storm clouds rolled in and the wedding had to be moved inside.  The lobby made a good back up location.  By the time recessional was done, it was pouring.  

Piloting the rings in by drone was about the coolest way Marianne and Sylvain could have asked Solomon to fulfill the duties of ring bearer.  Their wedding had all sorts of fun, playful elements.  Our first hint of this was the invitation that included a tardis.  The wedding programs were entitled 'The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Wedding' and included crosswords and wordfinds about Marianne and Sylvain in French and English.  

Elements of the ceremony were serious, others playful.  Their vows, which had all the meaning of the traditional version, we said in anapestic tetrameter, as Dr. Seuss would have written them (so of course the Cat in the Hat had to show up).    

After the recessional, the bride and groom hurried under a 21 Nerf gun salute

A photo booth served as a guest book.  The kids (and most of the adults) took full advantage of the props.  

French family and friends who could not make it to the US sent a lovely little video we all watched at the reception.  In August there will be festivities in France.  

Marianne and Sylain along with their best man and his wife.

Ariadne investigating the dessert.  If you think you spy a tardis...you would be correct.  Here's a closer look.

Charlotte was so enthusiastic about the cupcakes, she ended up with a frosting moustache.  

Solomon and Nova with their cousin Victoria.  

Cousin Tom and his wife Lehaina

First dance...

The dance floor was well used at this wedding.  We heard Kazakh songs, French Songs, Sinatra, Happy, and eventually, despite a complete ban--the chicken dance.  The wedding party and siblings were to blame.  More mischievous fun was in store.  Toward the end of the night, I couldn't find the older three kids anywhere.  It turns out the had been  recruited to decorate Marianne and Sylvain's car.  I hear the inside was entirely filled with balloons.  Ariadne had some tricks up her sleeve too (or in her flower basket).  Around 10:00 she started dispensing blue glow in the dark bracelets.  When Marianne enquired where all the guests had gotten the bracelets, the only person they could credit was the three year old.

Well, the weekend has come and gone, but oh, what a weekend it was.  We partied and visited and celebrated.  The kids danced, danced, danced, all Sunday night.  Here's to a happy marriage!

Back Yard Progress

 

Some of you may remember that we had to say goodbye to our tree house last fall.  The Silver Maple it rested in had a fatal fungus.  The tree was likely as old as the house--75 years.  We were sad to see it go.  

Step one was getting the tree house out of the tree.  My dad did that pretty much single handed.  If you look closely, you can see Solomon glumly looking on in the window.  

The tree came down, providing a fascinating spectacle for everyone who was home that day.  Our yard looked bare indeed when they were finished, plus there were several ruts from heavy machinery.  It was time for a revamp, so we began to re imagine the backyard.

It just so happened there were plenty of used swing sets on craigslist at the time (late April or early May).  Solomon helped me scope this one out.



A few weeks later, my Dad helped us disassemble and move it to our yard.  Solomon got a little practice with power tools.

 

The girls thought the 'Grandma's Attic' in the U-Haul was a good spot for a picture.

Meanwhile, we were doing some backyard gardening.  The ultimate goal is a butterfly garden back here, but this year it is more or less a flower garden.  We had lilies, joe pie weed, butterfly weed, and columbine from previous years.  Blue bachelor buttons, orange and red poppies, four o'clocks and sunflowers were all annuals we added to the mix.   

   

The cat is rather fond of the 'parent bench' (as in, the place for grown-ups to sit while the kids are on the playground). 

Wood chips from the tree made a path through the garden.  Ariadne enjoyed shoveling.  River rock we found the garden beds formed the sides of the path.  Note to all homeowners: don't bury landscaping rock, it will haunt future generations of gardeners.

My parents (especially my dad) have been a tremendous help through this entire process. Above my dad and Solomon are working on getting the roof up on the tower portion of the swing set.  Below my mom and the girls took a break from spreading wood chips to try out the swings.  

This is more or less where we are at present.  We added a heavy duty wave slide and replaced the old swings with Charlotte and Aria's swings (which had been suspended from the clothesline). More to come!

Potty Training--Or, Yes, 15-Month-Olds Can Use the Potty

Note: For actual advice on potty training, skip to the end.  It will be in green. 

Three of our four children asked to use the toilet at 15 months.  Our son, who was the earliest talker actually said 'I want to use the toilet' (though it sounded more like 'I want to ooze de toywet').  As relatively new parents, we were flabbergasted.  We spent the next two weeks in shock, as the request was repeated.  From there I spent another two weeks researching and gathering the necessary equipment.  By the time we had it all ready to go--he was no longer interested.  We failed.  He potty trained shortly after turning three.  We missed the window of opportunity, that is, the window of interest, and had to wait years for it to roll around again.  

Our second child, who was not quite as verbal, but all the more stubborn, succeeded in teaching us that yes, 15 month olds can use the potty.  She made her desire to use the toilet clear by a mixture of pantomime and words.  Thereafter, she refused to wear diapers.  We had no choice.  (And when I say we had no choice, I mean that every time we put a diaper on her she threw a writhing fit until she got it off--even cloth diapers with snaps).   

I went to an elimination communication meeting, where parents tried to get their six month olds to pee in a baby Bjorn little potty and discussed where to get  the tiniest underwear.  Though I had a friend who was a proponent of EC, I privately thought it required more time and attention than it was worth.  I was the only 'child lead' ECer at the meeting, and also had the oldest child. 

 The group stressed the importance of using a small potty the kids/babies would eventually be able to sit on themselves.  Using a little potty turned out to be KEY.  Trying to use a potty seat that attached to the actual toilet was probably the biggest barrier for our son, aside from our delay it letting him try.  
The other bit of useful info I picked up at the meeting was the 'shhh' signaling.  I can still use it with our three year old if she is reluctant to try the bathroom before a long car ride.  (Put the child on the potty/toilet, and make a long continuous 'shhhhh' sound, like running water.  Do this when they need to go, and it will be come a signal to them even when they only sort of have to go).  

Nova was potty trained by 17 months.  

She also put together that sinks always go with toilets. The first time I took her out without a diaper, at about 16 months, she demanded 'potty' 'potty' urgently as soon as we left the house, even though I knew that she'd gone recently.  We pulled into the first gas station we saw, got a key from the cashier for their bathroom, and rushed around the building to the exterior restroom.  Nova pulled the step stool over to the sink, turned on the water and produced a rubber duck from thin air.  She did not have to use the bathroom at all!

Charlotte was our only child who did not ask to use the potty.  But the third time around I knew it was entirely possible and just started setting her on the potting in the morning after she woke up around 17 months.  Her potty training was more gradual, but she was willing to try, even if it wasn't her idea.   She did have a point in here where she constantly asked to use the bathroom at the library, but it was really all about getting the key from the librarian and turning it in the lock herself.  By 21 months we had made the transition.

Ariadne also asked at that magic age, 15 months.  By 18 months we bought a pack of disposable diapers along for a long road trip, but never finished off the pack.  We usually used cloth, even when traveling, but weren't up for it that particular weekend (if anyone is curious about traveling with cloth, email or request a post on it in comments--I have one half written, but am not sure anyone would be interested).  Fourth child potty trained!


Potty Training How To:

1. Start taking your child to the bathroom with you around 12 months. 

2. Within a few months they will probably start trying to help you get toilet paper and pull up your pants, and might even want to flush for you.  Let them do this.  

3.  About a month after the 'helping' phase, they will likely indicate that they want to try to use the toilet.  Let them try as soon as they are interested.  If the flush scares them, wait until they are out of the bathroom.  If it has been months and they have not expressed interest, see 4b.  


4.  GO GET A LITTLE POTTY RIGHT AWAY! By right away I mean that day or the next.  It should be on the floor.  It should not have a lid.  The child should be able to walk over and sit down on it by themselves. 

4b. If it has been several months and your child does not express an interest in using the potty try setting them on the little potty first thing in the morning, or some other time they normally pee and make a 'shhh' noise (or just turn on the faucet) to encourage them to pee.
   
5. Allow your child to go bottomless for as much of the day as possible.  Short dresses are great for this for girls.  For boys I would use a longish T-Shirt.  The idea is to eliminate all the cumbersome 'in between' steps to using the potty.  Often undoing clothing and diapers takes too long to and leads to failure, which is discouraging, which leads to lack of interest, which leads to more failure.  There will be a few accidents, but don't make a big deal out of them.   

6.  Be prepared to be very hands on with wiping, washing hands, cleaning out the potty and flushing.  After all--the kid is only 15 months!  Treat these as separate skills in your mind.  Do not feel like they need to master it all at once.  The main goal is eliminating in the little potty.  Don't let anyone tell you that 'they might as well be in diapers' if you are still helping them with wiping and washing hands. We all know that wiping a toddler's bum is much better that changing a toddler's diaper.  

FIRST PHASE OF POTTY TRAINING IS COMPLETE!! THEY ARE POTTY TRAINED!  Keep reading for the finer points, if you are interested.  

7.  Continue to teach wiping and hand washing.  Make sure they can reach everything they need, including a hand towel.  A step stool comes in handy.  A separate towel hook can also help.  

8. Underwear!  When your child is getting to the potty consistently and seems to be able to wait a little bit, try underwear.  Get underwear they like.  Try it for short stretches at first.  2-3T is as small as it comes, but it usually fits OK. 

9. Going out without diapers.  This one's all common sense.  Go for short trips with plenty of bathrooms available near by.  Bring extra cloths and a wet sack/plastic bag.  Some shopping malls and libraries have tiny child-sized flush toilets in the family bathrooms.  While the aren't necessary, kids do tend to get excited about them--good for encouragement. 

10. Transition to the actual toilet using a toilet seat with a built in toddler seat or a ring placed on the larger toilet seat.  If you don't have one already, get a step stool.  Keep the toddler seat down/on at all time.  It is easy for adults to remove, but hard for toddlers to put in place.  Ariadne is three in the pictures where she is putting the little seat down by herself.  Keep the little potty around for awhile. Sometimes they are just not up for the extra challenge (or time) it takes to climb up onto the big toilet.  Using the little potty occasionally is a lot better than an accident.  Now's the time to introduce flushing, if you haven't already.  

11.  Nighttime potty training can be really easy or really challenging--depending.  Some kids start having dry diapers at night all on their own and, voila, they are nighttime potty trained.  This might even happen before daytime potty training really gets going.  Other kids have persistent bed wetting issues.  If that is the case, constipation is a likely culprit.  Kids can be constipated even if they are passing stool.  It is a matter of more going in than is coming out.  An overfull bowel presses on the bladder causing bed wetting and/or potty accidents.  Bladder infections can also cause bed wetting and accidents.  If bed wetting is a problem, I encourage you to check on these.  And that is all I have to say on potty training.  

'I Do'

My cousin Hannah and her new husband Jordan started off their married life early this June.  They are both at that point of glowing youth, of extreme potential.  In keeping with the 21st century, the minister asked us to text bomb them happy thoughts.  Showing my age, I went for the advice cards that were circulating instead.  My advice was to keep going on dates.  Charles filled out more than one.  His last had something to do with letting the Dr or Midwife catch the baby (Ariadne's midwife had asked if he wanted that honor, to which he replied, 'no, that is what I am paying you for.')

At the ceremony, the minister requested that not only they, but all of their guests, help them hold to their marriage vows in the years to come. While by far the most work and love and effort that go into a marriage come from the couple themselves, I found I agreed that there is a community component to marriage.  Marriage does not take place in a vacuum.  It is a cultural institution.  Small overtures and little bits of advice add up to acceptance and encouragement, reinforcing the pair's commitment on all sides.   We get to know someone new and gradually they become part of what that family is. And so each family expands.

During his father of the bride speech, my uncle Bob talked about how his mother knew Jordan was a good match for Hannah.  She said he reminded her of her own husband at that age.  Our lives do span a considerable arc.  I wonder, with that hindsight, what she put on her advice card (or text bomb--people in their 70s have been known to beat me out in technological savvy).

Katrina and Heidi were both at our table.  We got to visit with the quit music of a waterfall right behind us.

Caitlin, Hannah's sister, invitation creator, and maid of honor extraordinaire hand lettered all the invitation and place cards as well.  She is pictured below with their brother, Mathieu. 

We talked and danced the night away.  The ring bearers had some serious break dancing move.  As midnight neared, everyone gathered with sparklers to see the newlyweds off.

Brynn was in town for the wedding.  We got in a good visit, both at the wedding and the next day with the kids.  The summer day was perfect.  We ate outside and the kids climbed the tree (or Grandpa put them in the tree, depending on age).